shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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