i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
