I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I need to stop coming to work sober
it was like eating out sand paper
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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