sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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