Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
