For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
