For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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