she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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