he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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