Im at strip club and am horny
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
