omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
