So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
