eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
