the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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