We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
