Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
