May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Randomize
