I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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