it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
