Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She told me I should be a condom model.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
