What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
