Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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