When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
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We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
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PS: I just woke up from my shower
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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