When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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