Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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