i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
