i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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