never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
