Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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