I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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