haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
