Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
