Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
