I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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