Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I AM VODKA MAN
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i think i just lost a toe
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
