I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
