It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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