Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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