He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
drinking out of a sandbucket again
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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