and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
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I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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