Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
