Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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