I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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