omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
