highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
