I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
