I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
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Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
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I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.