i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I love you. Go after that dick
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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