non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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