they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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