your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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