Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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