you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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