Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
