im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
