chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
