Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
