My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
