P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
