M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
