fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
