You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
