On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
MIDGETS
????
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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