from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
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Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
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He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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