I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
