toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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