I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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