She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
