one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
