She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He shit in the fireplace
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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