so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
