Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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