I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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