ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize