youre lurking in front of me
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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