We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
